No, not Neve Campbell pouring champagne across Denise Richards and giving me awakening. This was something else, that book from when we were kids or parents about a boy who wears pajamas and gets transported to this wild land with wild and amazing creatures. That. Holy shit, those creatures were amazing, maybe one of the most amazing things I've seen on screen in a long time - and the music was so great. Really. And I haven't walked out of a movie in a long, long time. I did for this one -- but it wasn't necessarily because of the movie - as I'm sure one day I'll learn to respect it. I don't know what kind of mood I'm in these days to make me do such a thing - but I just remember feeling like I was having an episode there in my seat as this world was unfolding and nothing was happening and all of this wild magic was going to waste. I read great books sometimes - books that someone has told me were great, epic, life-changing and I'll get through 100 pages if even that and drop it because if it hasn't connected, it won't. Movies, I don't ever play like that but last night was a different story. It was failing me and I don't know why. I kept on having these visions of riding down dirt trails going 100 miles per hour on a pedal bike and hitting a stump and flying over the handlebars and rolling and tumbling and smashing and destroying and wanting it like a mad craving. I wanted to leave the theater and get in a fight and not fight back and just get beat up. I was so still and have such intolerance for it. Sometimes, I don't know what to do.
In 5 days, I leave to go to Berlin. Maybe it's my body prepping to fly all day and night, twice to go to some new and live city and paint it like a motherfucker in a blitz of 3-4 days. Maybe I've been writing some vicious shit and it's starting to get to me. I don't know. Sometimes when my crazy leaves, I get bored and wish it back. When it's here, I'm not saying I wish it away, but it can be a lot. Timing isn't everything but it's a lot of things. I think I need to think about all of this.
