EVERY Single Thing About This...

One Bad, Beautiful Man...

David O'Russell...

It's probably that I'm just getting older, but I thought if I had to watch another immature, young girl young guy we're both so fucked up let's fall in love movie...I would literally go out and buy a hacksaw and start scratching a seam through this not fragile skull.  Maybe the truth is just that I'm more embarrassed at the fact I used to watch these movies with aplomb and/or tried to write them with aplomb. Regardless, this looks like a hopeful return to form for 2 major players that deserve it. Many could argue Bob and Russ never left. For whatever internal reasons I have, that's not something I would argue. Lines like, "You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things" alone make me feel like this one is loaded head to toe. That's my hope.

Please don't let me be embarrassed when I'm 35. Or 31.

At Least They're Going For It...

But this never would have made it to post without the scorpion popsicles.

How Does Something Become This Good..

Nostalgia...

Yes It's True: I'm A Selfish And Self Obsessed Dickhead Asshole...

Kindly let that answer all of your questions and leave me alone.

...

UPDATE: I have never made any claims to the contrary.

This Warms My Heart...

I know, at some point, it almost makes sense for me to call this an SNL blog, as it's about the only thing keeping me afloat. At some point, I knew I would have to transition towards something with less personal substance, as my prose would need to become bottled and used to pay bills. At some point, the relationships I entered would force me to confront a level of maturity that could no longer be picked apart on these pages, with women who would not put up with that kind of cowardly assault. At some point I would grow too close to the people I ultimately admire, or detest, and write about. At some point, this could get awkward. I'm not sure I'm quite there yet, so we're not about to permanently close any pages. Right now, I'm just glad Will Ferrell is a broach enthusiast.

Laser Cats, You Will Always Have A Home Here...

I Don't Think I've Ever Seen A Summer Release Schedule So Curiously Loaded...

And Then Perhaps Every Last Drop Of Tainted Faith Shall Be Swiftly Restored...

This Guy Murders SNL...

May...

Existence...

R U Mine?

Remember When...

This cast was supposed to be Jim Carrey, and that he was going to get fat to play Curly. And that Sean Penn was Larry and Benecio del Toro was Moe? Remember that, and reports that this script was supposed to be more of a behind the scenes, maybe even a darker look ala Andy Kaufman in Man On The Moon and that the Farrelly's were quoting this as a departure for them and hinting things like gravity and the project they've been dreaming their whole careers to make? Remember that, or did I make all that up? Remember how good that sounded? Why else would these actors have attached themselves?

Okay, now what the fuck is this?

Two On A Monday Morning...

Jimmy Fallon Is A National Treasure...

Been There Done Everything But That...

This girl is my hero. Now that's out of the way, let me quickly and grotesquely make this about me. I did this several years ago - bungee jumped from this spot -- the second highest bungee in the world at the time --- on the border of Zimbabwe and Zambia above the Zambezi and in the ballpark of Vic Falls. I had a flight to catch that morning and was crazy hungover from drinking 20 Mosi beside a murky resort pool after barely not drowning in the Zambezi the day prior. I got to the site early to make sure I was the first one in line and the scale was broken. They told me to guess and I said something like 200. They wrote it on my arm and off I went, off to face my greatest fear - heights. But it wasn't just heights, it was heights in Africa. Big fucking difference. And actually, it wasn't just heights in Africa, but heights on the seemingly lawless bridge of no man's land floating between the two highly unstable countries of Zimbabwe and Zambia. Super big fucking difference. I was already soaked in sweat and about to toe the platform. The jump team was busy with checks when the guy working the scale summoned me back inside. Like anyone who had been eating bread and cheese and drinking wine on the beaches of South Africa with his traveling girlfriend for 2 months, for 2 meals a day, I soon found to have underestimated my weight by a not so insignificant 15 pounds. When I got to the platform the second time, and told the jump team my new weight, they all looked at each other with wide eyes, changed language to something I couldn't understand and then started laughing until one of them had a tear in his eye. The crying guy then turned to me to say something like - Man, this might not have gone so well for you.

"The company maintains, "The broken equipment has been replaced."" Classic.

Everything Except Naming Them Adam & Eve, Which Someone Actually Did...

Chan & The Man...