Tomorrow, I leave for New York City. I'd like to say I'm spending a relaxing Saturday in the sun before jumping a leisurely non-stop that puts me into the city just in time for a late dinner. No. I'm working. Which means I'm ducking out from the busiest night ever to hit LAX in time for my 1:34 AM flight. I'm not exactly sure about the time, just that it's REALLY LATE. I come back on Tuesday night. Just in time for...you guessed it, work.
I have all day Sunday and all day Monday. Hopefully, I can implement the, "sleep when you're dead" motto and extend this trip late into both nights. You see, it's time to start a new script. The truth is: I know no happiness greater than the 8-12 weeks of torture it takes to come up with a polished beauty. This one, of course...is far and away the most ambitious I’ve done. Far and away. It's been festering like a disease. If I could somehow explain how difficult it was to push through 8-12 weeks of my last re-write, knowing this one was next in line...or if I could explain what it was like reading through Sophy Burnham, Matthew Bunson (yeah, I know...who?) Then Milton and Dante, knowing I had to have the patience to get through it all to shed my ignorance...then, knowing that I wouldn't let myself start until I went to New York, and now it's here...times are good.
What's it about? Sorry. I would have shared...but I don't like to talk about it anymore. Too close to starting. You understand. Of course, there are certainly clues above. I will say this...this is THE one. I don't know what will come of my ambitions tomorrow...2 weeks from now or ten years from now. I would like to say that I have things figured out for good. I don't. But I have them figured out now. People I meet often ask me why I came to LA. It's a fun question, especially in this city. In fact, you could be at a party and ask that very same question 31 times to 31 different people and never get bored. Trust Papa Bear on this one. But go past 31 and things get messy. To be honest...cause that's what I am sometimes, I have learned that it’s better to be all ears. Always. Because realization hits that if you sound like THAT...if that is actually what you sound like, then perhaps it's time to pick up a pawnshop shotty and take the one-way ticket, Hunter S. Thompson style.
I told you. Tangents. Shit. Listen, to succeed in what I am trying to do...being on the outside looking in, you yearn so much to be a name. To have something to back up this, "all my eggs into one basket wave goodbye, never look back mentality." You see...that common theme. Searching for validation. It becomes so important until...I guess right up until the moment when you ARE validated. When that happens, I'll let you know what it feels like. Right now, all I know is THAT'S what I want. I'm young and green and don't know anything about anything...but I know this script will mean the end of my night job. It will mean that I will be exactly what I came out here to be...and I will begin to start the climb. The long, long climb. That's what I think...it's what I know. Don't confuse confidence with arrogance. There may be a touch of both in my speech. Neither is founded. Seriously, why would I have reason for abundance of either? Hell, I'm a stranger in a strange land, right? It's just one of those things.
I should really get back to New York. I'm staying near Union Square...near mid-town. I have a digital Elph and a mini DV camcorder to get everything I need. I can't explain. It's more of a -- know what you need when you get it. More than anything, it's the breathe the air and wander...which by the way, I'm outstanding at. Being aimless. Damn good. During my two days, I have one thing to do for sure...see THE ex girlfriend. Be forewarned. This is going to be a long and telling blog. No one is free from the arbitrary mention. ESPECIALLY ex-girlfriends. By the way, hate CAPS? For this post -- tough shit, my dears.
So the ex-girlfriend. It's funny. We all have lots of exes...but when you think about it...there's really only one. Everyone else is just...well, they’re part of the game for a bit. Sometimes, if it’s a really good team, you might make the playoffs and stretch it into a nice little run...but in the end, every season has to end. Blame it on weather or injury, that's what I do. They're never too happy...but there's always re-hab. Believe me, I know.
Anyway, it's good to get out of LA. Get into a new city and miss this city I love to hate. Wait, I don't mean that. Other people say that…other assholes. One thing I know for sure is that I don’t want to be that…an asshole.
I can't believe it’s been 15 months and counting since I landed in this town. I wonder what this place has done to me. One of my rare moments of reflection. They don't come often, certainly falling low on my belief barometer…thermometer? Odometer? I don’t know. But maybe 15 years from now, I'll let another one slide and look back...it's amazing, what I've done to this town.
There it is again. Seriously, I belong on a leash.
