Singapore...

I was pulling into the city on the subway, looking around the neighborhoods, hearing the beeps and bells from the moving train and remember thinking it felt somewhat European. When I left, I remember thinking of how I missed the depth of the good European cities. These new monsters in Southeast Asia have their charm, and it's not fair to mark them after such brief, brief visits, but I can't help it. Last time I left Italy, I left thinking everyone in the country was a complete fucker - and somehow I want to go back so much it hurts. What can I say, I love fuckers! Didn't meet enough of them in Singapore. How can you in a country that executes its drug dealers? No, seriously...I'm being serious.

Gili Air...

I can feel it all collecting, building now. I'll look back someday and tell myself that's what Gili Air was good for - a place so slow it gave me a chance to over-collect and see what is actually happening here. It's 530 and the sun is setting over my bathroom window and I'm getting ready to escape, as I had to hire a tomorrow boat for 4 in the morning to get me back to Lombok before getting me back to the airport for a flight at 7. Over the course of the next week, a lot of things are going to come at me. Many of them will likely come hard...and I'm ready for that. Someday next December, it'll all be over, and I'll have this...piles and piles of this. I'll be looking down onto Victoria Drive from high, high above and I'll be cradling it all together, and I'll be telling myself this is mine, convincing myself all of this is mine, hoping to be true, hoping to so simply lend a hand in the burden of turning this wheel...

Mt. Rinjani...

The second night after dinner, we started talking with the more senior of our two porters, Jalan, who is a champion stickfighter come stickfighting season during Lombok's August. I'm going to be very stingy with my words right now, again, because I'm sure one day I won't be...but when you're standing by the fire, 6 people sharing rice wine out of the same cup, struggling to stay warm, and your guide is talking about black magic and a sport where two guys lash hell from each other until one of them cowers and retreats, the only thing I could think...there is no other existence on this entire living planet but ours...

Senggigi...

Tomorrow morning, someone is coming to my hotel in Lombok to start me on my way to climbing Mt. Rinjani. The route we're taking is going to run 3 days and 2 nights camping. It's supposed to be something - active volcanos should be as far as I'm concerned. So I'm open, don't really know what to expect.

Once I checked in here, today was near perfect for something inside of me, though I usually never know what that something is until days that are far, far away.

This One's Loaded...

I came to the bottom of Bali with plans to post a good time in the race - to deal with obstacles of living like a vagabond and putting myself together enough to run well. That happened yesterday (video below is all pre-race). The actual race felt like business, good business, getting caught in a current and then taking on and handling madness. I adore madness. Feels like it's growing fond of me too.

Last night, I was talking about something with a few of the fine friends I picked up over the weekend - that what I was hoping before I came into Jimbaran was that there would be a batch of people coming together who were like me - craving some kind of fight like me, because all I've been so far in my training is an outcast. And I like that, make no mistake. It absolutely suits me, but I guess I wanted to mix things up for a weekend, welcome change. I painted all that in my head, these ideas that I would meet great people and forge great bonds and then we would all go back out into our worlds but somehow always stay connected. Though, I didn't actually think all those things would happen, not the way I am...not the way I behave...

But they did.

Towards the end of the night, my friend Kyle and I and two beautiful, beautiful dames were sitting on cushioned recliners looking out at the water and waves, a handful of dazzling mojitos down and he says to me something like, you're going to leave this place and go on about your travels through the world and see everything and do everything...but once that's over and you're sitting back at home, looking back, you're going to think of this place, Bali...and you'll never forget the feeling. I remember thinking I'll look forward to that...

Also...even though this absolutely deserves its own post...

My Conversation With The "Am I Taking A Movie? I So Am..." Girl Who I Met Through Kyle And Corrie Who Lives In Jakarta With Her Husband And Three Boys, Has Always Lived Internationally And Decided To Pop-In To Bali For A Couple Days To Meet Them And Happen Upon Me, Towards The End Of The Night...After Weighing Me For Most Of It...

*Key - AUGUST = The girl who beat me up bad, bad from late summer through most of the fall in 2008...and I have the posts to prove it.

I think I know someone I should set you up with.
That's what they all say.
No, really. I've known her since I was 14.
Okay go. Where?
Los Angeles.
Oh, my city.
Yeah, I've got a feeling here.
What's her name, I probably already know her.
Yeah, right. AUGUST.
Excuse me?
AUGUST. Her name is AUGUST.
That's not a very common name.
Why are you looking at me like that?
No reason...
Why are you looking at me like that?
It's just...I think you're about to tell me about a friend of yours in Los Angeles who is the same girl that I dated, briefly, the same girl who cut me good, really fucking good when she dropped me, and I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all.
You're fucking with me?
No. You're fucking with me?
No. AUGUST SEPTEMBER. LIVED IN THESE PLACES, DID THESE THINGS...
That's her.
You're...
Absolutely not.
Wow. Nailed it! Her look seemed like your type.
Well, it was.
That's insane, I almost don't believe you.
Ask her about me sometime. Maybe she'll tell you that - that I was insane - that was popular for a little while.
Are you?
What do you think?

Bali Triathalon - Jimbaran Bay...

It's 830 at night here right now. At 5 tomorrow morning, I wake up for a race. It doesn't feel like the rest. I think I'll sleep well tonight...just a feeling. I don't know what that means exactly, not yet. I'm just drifting now...like I'm not really in control of the world I'm living in, but a very unimportant cog in it all. Feels good. I like it.

Denpasar & Jimbaran...

I get stressed out sometimes when I have a lot of things stacked up to do in a single day. Yes, even here. Maybe stressed is a bad word. I become...very aware. Today, I was very aware of all the shit that would have to take place for me to be sitting on this southern tip of the island and feel like I could just put my feet up. I'll usually tell myself to stop worrying before asking myself to recollect the last time was that I failed...myself. It doesn't happen often, and that understanding usually gives me some calm.

North Central Bali...

Been a good week. Seen a lot, worked my ass off, most days 3 times per. Tomorrow, I'm leaving for Jimbaran Bay, to settle in for the race that's happening on Sunday. After finding my hotel, I'm going into Denpasar, the biggest town in Bali, where there's supposed to be a great bike shop. If I can convince them to rent me a road bike, I'll be forced to do something like compete with the best on the island on Sunday. But that could be a bit of a reach. At this point, I just need something where the gears don't shift without me. But I have a feeling it'll all work out...because even if it doesn't, it'll all work out.

East Bali...

For 2 dollars, you can put enough gas in a rented bike (4 per day) and see vast stretches of the island. Today I went East, the only thing stopping me was the ocean and some cops I had to bribe in order to not "go to justice!" for not having an Indonesian permit. Right. After that, all I had to do was stay upright.

So much to see. So much remains.

Monkeys...

Yesterday, I went out for a run around 6...maybe sometime after. I took a left on my quaint street and headed north maybe. There were houses and homestays and then the road got significantly tighter before it got tighter. Then there was a steep hill that rode up along a dirt cliff. Then it ended and I was running through the jungle or what looked and felt and sounded like it. I thought I was getting myself lost, excited by the possibility of it, following a stream and narrow footpath. I saw no one before I came across some naked Balians (?) bathing in the stream before I climbed another cliff before I popped out into the colors of setting sun and endless tiered rice fields. I was sweating and thought of crying before I took a deep breath, thankful that someone like me was going to someday paint it in truer and better words than this. It was a moment I wished I could give to everyone. Someday, I'll try.

Ubud

I think it's starting to sink in, where I am, what I'm doing. And by sink in I mean I'm losing track of the days. Everything here just...there are certainly words for it but I'm certainly not going to spend the effort coming up with one or many more than this. I'm in a cafe in the middle of the day, uploading this video and everyone is eating pie and waiting for it to rain. That's about it. I ran in the morning and found an incredible gym just up the street of a street that's close to me. It has bikes that allow me to beat myself up real nice. Real nice. I'll go running again tonight and then sleep well, do something like this again tomorrow, all along allowing myself to comprehend and then simply accept that all of this is quite incredible.

Bali...

People Sometimes Ask Me...

What my parents think of what I do, of my crossing the world believing the words I write and the things I experience will someday be important. I say they're on board, or that they learned at some point that the train was going to keep rolling regardless of what they thought of me...so better to be on it. Then I correct myself and say what I just said wasn't meant to be cold before I offer something in English like I have the best parents in the world, supportive and inspiring and so many other things I could get into in a long spat...but I'd rather just post this and let it speak for itself...

Koooala Lumfuckingpur! What you are doing is just so, so, so amazing. I contemplate in thoughtful moments like these and can hardly imagine. Those loose screws in your head are what make you who you are and what you do but thank God for those loose screws and who you are. Hope to see you sometime in the not too distant future but in the mean time suck up as much of this as you can. And of course always watch where you're going but at the same time watch your back. Go Celtics and fuck k0be and Phil Jackson.

-G

Kuala Lumpur...

I Want To Be A Better Person...

Tonight, I was wandering town, plans set on crashing a couple of the swank hotel bars for cocktails and something to eat. I ended up at this place I read about online instead called Hakka Republic. It was across from the Shangri La, where I was planning on going eventually. Hakka was right down the street from some of the more obnoxious bars in KL, where women stand out front asking me if I want "young girl cheap price." I didn't. I don't.

When I walked into Hakka, it was empty. It was sunday night and that was about the only reason. From what I hear, the place does well...and from the food and service and style, it better. The guy who greeted me at the door said they were doing a sunday buffet, and for an extra 30 MR, it was all you could drink Tiger draft. I hadn't been eating much since showing up in Malaysia and went for a long run in the morning...tomorrow is going to be a killer, so all day I was thinking about eating a big plate of good food. Though I never expected it to be as good as it turned out to be. In truth, the entire buffet was all for me - everything someone could dream of - tiger prawns to filet, short rib to pumpkin soup, handmade pasta to bread pudding. Knocked me out. Knocked me out.

At some point, the exec chef came out to talk to me. Then, the sous chef. They changed clothes and closed the kitchen and the exec chef came out and took some pictures of me loving his restaurant. They told me to finish my drink and took me to the parking lot. I got into one of the cook's cars and we drove to Chinatown because the sous chef didn't want me to get caught in any of the Skybar and Luna Bar traps that most foreigners get caught into. There, we wandered the streets looking for the perfect Durian - "corpse fruit" - banned in public places because it fucking stinks - but is also like nothing you or I have ever tasted - think cross between a mango and avocado. When we found a stand, we four sat down at a table on the street and ate this thing - three chefs and one fucking tourist. They wouldn't let me pay for a thing. Not the Durian, not the water it took to cleanse us from the smell of a "corpse," not anything. We walked for a bit and talked for a bit and then got back in the car. We talked about all the shit in the world before they dropped me off at my hotel, wanting nothing from me but company. Nothing. I told them there's a marathon in KL on June 27th that might bring me back and they said they hoped to see me. Then they smiled and drove off. And I...

I still don't know what to say. Thailand turned me so cynical, so cynical, everyone working something. Loved it, beautiful, but still. And walking away from this, tonight made me want to weep, made me want to give thanks to a thousand ears and not one of them gave a shit about hearing it. They just were what they were...are what they are...

And I have a lot of work to do.

Kuala Lumpur...

It's been a long day that started at 630 with girl crying for me on the streets of Chaweng. That's a fucking lot to handle and I can't say I've ever handled the understanding of it well. The moment just came, and there was nothing we could really say about it...today, last night, the week approaching. At some point, feelings happened we could never talk through because of the barriers between us. The way we did speak had to be all too simple...for me, for once...through glances or touches or a thousand other things I can't really explain to someone until they've been in something like it. I thought about her all day after I left, about the things in life I'm capable of giving and the things I'm not...why the weight of the latter is so heavy and at what point things became that way.

Tonight, I went out wandering, looking for something like a super market then a place for dinner. First point of order was to prepare a double fist of Gatorade for tomorrow morning's run - my word, the heat here is supposed to beat Thailand - and fought hard for a while trying to place myself. Big town. Fast town. Crazy town. It's a lot less Asian and a lot more Indian than I expected. People are praying everywhere, all the time. The supermarket never really happened. Dinner happened at a street restaurant at the end of an alley in Little India - rice with a side of chicken stew, side of chickpea stew, Coke. Very cheap. I tipped the guy and felt like I made him worry he was ripping me off. So I can't do that again. Every now and again, I catch someone looking at me who is either fascinated or wants to see my head on a stick. If anyone asks, I'll tell them that I'm a Canadian and that yes, I love their God and pray to it 5 times a day...

No, no. It's not really like that. Everyone on this side of the world has given me nothing but warmth so far. That's the truth. Tomorrow, I'll see what this place is like during the day, continue to enjoy my hot shower, sandless bed for a couple nights.

There's a building sitting behind me called the Petronas Towers - tallest in the world. The cabbie who took me from the bus station made me make him a promise that I would go to the top - free tickets. I told him I was incredibly afraid of heights and he made me promise again, which I did. I said, alright dude...but it's gonna fuck with me something terrible and I might make a scene in front of a lot of people. Then he said deal, and smiled, and I guess that settled things.

Korp Kun Krap Thailand...

Tomorrow morning I'm getting up at 630, heading to the airport in Samui. Can't believe it's already been 20 days. After living on an island for most of it, I need some big city jolt before heading to another island. Everything here is so close. I used to have this dark spot in my mind - what cultures were like on this side of the world - like I didn't understand the world completely and how all of it worked together. Now that plans are starting to form in my mind, I'm beginning to think of the world as a very small place - or at least I will fully when this is all said and done.

I thought I was going to stay in Thailand for a long, long time. It's such a big country - so many places to go, so many different flavors to taste and see. I got it, at least as well as I'll ever need to right now. Something is taking me elsewhere, and it's the kind of something I'd be best not to question, the kind of something I'd be better off just following. So that's what I'm doing. I feel detached and exhausted, wonderfully exhausted, like there are things inside of me that needed to get pulled out and got pulled out.

There's a Girl here that's been treating me real good, a Girl I have to say goodbye to tomorrow morning, who I will see again and not forget. She caught it nicely...

Reset...
Reload...
Repeat and onward.

Angthong...