I showed up to Akurala Beach, a small guest house right on the water that still looked like it had been bombed out from the inside, still, from years after the waves came, stayed there for a night with a family who cooked me a good dinner before we left to trek the country the next morning. I had the best terrible guide a guy could ever ask for. Atrocious. He'd say things as we were driving like "lumber yard" or "school children crossing bridge" or "forest." Then we'd pass giant golden buddhas and shrines on the side of the road and he would say nothing. Honestly, it was fine, since all I really wanted was someone to shut the fuck up and let me see the country as we passed it by.
We'd stop along the way at shitty massage parlors and herb gardens that sold miracle remedies to keep you hard or to stop your hair from falling out and somewhere in the process of crossing this land with these two vampires, Sri Lanka scarred me. I looked to the terrible of the two, Karu, and said something exactly like, if you take me to another one of these dumps trying to get a kickback I'm going to push your car until it tips and then I'm fucking walking do you understand?
On the last day, coming down from the top of Sigiriya - a man started walking with me to the car park. I was already almost there and had my headphones in for immunity and for my heart when he picked me up with the same old shit - which country...how long in Sri Lanka...girlfriend here??? When we got to the bottom, I shook his hand, thanking him with a smile, so kind, trying to beg something out of him, something I knew he wasn't going to be capable of before I left him behind before he whistled at me and stroked his fingers together...
My Then Conversation With The Man Who Walked Me Down A Path I Was Walking Down Anyway, Doing Everything I Could To Be Left Alone On The Side Of One Of Sri Lanka's Beautiful Historical Wonders...
My friend, hello American! Little Something...
Little something. Little something. You want a little something. Of course you do. Because you polluted my steps for 200 yards of course you do. I am going to tell you something can you listen close, do you understand? I know your country has been through a lot. I know. I have much respect for it or maybe I did. Are you still listening, do you understand? Your country is going to fail, fucking fail do you want to know why, do you understand? Not once since getting out into the blood of this country have I witnessed a single moment of genuine kindness. You don't understand the concept of it, do you understand? Are you still listening - oh, you don't want this anymore - oh, you want to walk away? That's okay, I'll follow you for a bit. Do you want to know what happened in Thailand when I was walking down a road 3 kilometers into town after running a marathon? Wait, I'll tell you. Don't you want your tip? I was picked up! I was taken to my hotel. When I tried to give him money, and generously, because that's what Americans do, he refused it, bowed his head to me and smiled. Now he's stuck in my heart forever, do you understand? No, of course you don't. And that's why you'll fail. That's why you'll never find your footing. Here, I'll leave it on the fucking ground.
