Madison Reese Is Saving My Soul...

It needs to be written.... it just does... I don't know why you sent me ** *** *** **** when you did...you said Monday night I had never asked to read it...not true...but that is neither here nor there...point being it was the perfect set up for me to hate it or misread it and be done...there was a shift Monday night like there always is in due time..I was coming off a ********* romance followed by a dive into ******* shenanigans rounded out by a day on *** ******* rooftop and finally a dinner with you...even if I had the capacity to care I didn't...I was on sensory overload...spending far too much time with far too many people...and giving away parts of myself ad nauseum....surely by Monday I would be a shell of a human being..but it was you and it was dinner...so we were off...me harping on the same subject over and over...you taking some of it in...some of it not so much...read into every move....every deflection...hey, old habits die hard...it was fine..it is what it is...gave you a sucker...drove away...felt like I had haphazardly tied a bow on the relationship...got my closure...would be okay...not the perfect end...but I got what I needed....woke up to rain...perfect excuse to spend some time with myself...reflecting...writing...figuring out my next move at leisure...then there it was no subject no text...** *** *** ****...aww fuck me I thought...remembering back to snippets in your blog...boo hoo some fucking **** ****** and his trust fund...screwing "world talent" to make himself feel whole...I had dated and known many **** ******* in my life and didn't feel like I needed to read his words to know otherwise...or so I thought...I have faith in your writing...stating the obvious??...and I am sure it would be thrilling ride through travels of the world and I could see it selling and I could laugh a little bit because there would be pieces of you, mr. smith, littered throughout...so what the hell...curled up in my bed...propping my pillows so I could lay sideways and plow through a couple of chapters....I will not bore you with a play by play of the next few hours...I will not rehash every emotion (lie)...but you should know some of it..I fell in literary love..harder than I have ever fallen before...tearing open my insides than had been so carefully concealed...inspired, inspired piece...I turned off my phone (you don't know this about me...but that does NOT happen...you should even feel flattered I didn't sit with the damn thing in my lap at dinner-okay I did that part of the time but not the whole)...anyway...I got lost in the story of *** and ****...every character so clear...understood a broken ****...fell in love with a sweet ***...laughed at ******* candor and wit...**** tenderness still resonates in the depths of my soul..******** so stoic..***** so crazed (****** letter to ******---stab me in the face!)...not to mention **, ****** (s), *****, ****, and ******...oh ******...I'm reading into this and I don't care if you tell me I am wrong...part of Reese is her...I saw it...poor thing....I had to make myself slow down and read every word...and then reread until it seeped in...branding my eyelids...searing my heart...the book grabbed ahold and would not let go...so much so that I cried for an hour after....whaling and writhing...mourning the **** ** ***...it's all so vivid...I was transported into a world I never wanted to leave...throughout the morning I have gone back over your words..making sure I didn't miss a beat...memorizing the rollercoaster...every turn every drop...like I said forever changed...seeing your real life characters make appearances...still can't get through a chapter-a sentence without weeping...pulling my hoody tight around my head willing myself to stop..jamming a ******* ***** ****** in my mouth in a feeble attempt to pacify my childlike emotions...that ugly contorted crying that sets ones soul on fire and somehow releases one onto the world....the brilliant part about last night is I had my hour of guts and heart on the floor and then I had to pick myself up for an important dinner where ********* had to be fully present...entertaining a table full of drunk wasps and old "friends"...because while I am a hurricane (inside and out) there was the composure, the wall up, keeping the secret...life carries on....and I feel sorry for the world for having not been privied to the world of **** ****** and *** *******...it is a fucking life changer...a wild ride...and I shit you not when I say I finished that last word...the wind fully knocked out of me..my mind whirling around 7,000 questions and feelings...it took a full minute to realize **** *** **** ********...*** **** *** *******...it is certain now...wasn't it always??.your talents should not be wasted on me...they have to be shared with the world ...again you don't need me to tell you this....but anyone who does not get this book...does not understand the world and what it needs...and for that they are fucking cunts...that forming chip on your shoulder...that pull to Thailand...is fully understood..I said it before I had even read it...but go my boy and write that brilliant fucking follow up to ** *** *** ****...because the world needs a lot more *** ********....but there is only one **** ******...and at this moment I don't think I can live without him...there you go my final assessment- you, ****** ******* *****, fucking surpassed the literary titans, don't you ever fucking forget it.