I was riding my bike to the Grove yesterday, to the Rosetta Stone kiosk, because I want to learn Thai, because I don't know how long I'm going to be in Bangkok and beyond and I felt like I couldn't understand the colors and sounds of the world around me. In Los Angeles. Not anymore. I felt like, and I feel like what is coming for me is going to take my circuits and tie them fresh and raw. It's a scary and adrenal thought, leaving behind this form of comfort I've found, that I will always find, that I have to continue to battle off for the rest of my life. Bangkok is going to be hot, sweltering, and its culture is going to smash me at a thousand miles per hour. It fucking better. And if it doesn't, then it better know that I am coming to smash it. I want to get messy, lost, buried. I want to get in over my head, so far over my head and handle it. Then get over my head and handle it, and handle it, and handle it. Forever until it's no longer what I need, until I need to move off to something new, somewhere new, where the colors and sounds of Thailand go beyond understanding. Might take a while.
My heart is full. It's ready. It's time. So much time still...
So little time.
