And things have been wound pretty tight lately. Lately, I've felt like I've had so much piling that I thought I was about to lose my shit. Everything has been so tight and weighing...and waiting for this marathon to come has been driving me fucking mad and I can't explain what waiting and stillness can do to a mind like mine. I've been feeling fat and slow and sluggish and had no reason to, maybe because I've been living in the fear of finishing anywhere north of 3:11:00. I've been living in the fear of the adrenaline and everything I don't want to talk about when next Monday arrives. That's where I'm at. It was 5 o'clock today and I had to sit myself down to breathe. And when I went out to walk, I had to force myself to consciously slow my always stomping pace to a half time leisurely stroll, finally accepting that I didn't need to have to have something to do tonight. I picked up dinner and sat down to watch this...
Charlie Boorman and Ewan McGregor's sequel to "Long Way Round" called "Long Way Down." It's a motorcycle trip from Scotland to Cape Town and most of the time, I stayed in bed and just watched it...all 4 hours of the first disc and it's okay because this is Sunday and all I am right now is envy but maybe I feel like I've let something go. Maybe I feel like everything is alright...like the rope found some slack because of these boys.
