A Casual Stranger Saw My Penis This Afternoon...

This week, I've been very careful about what I've been eating. Very careful. It's been all and only fruits, steamed veggies and clean protein. Very very clean. It's not been a huge departure, but it's the little things that make it all the more crushing - like no sushi because of the rice. It's always hard to discipline the already disciplined, but that's also why I'm doing it - because no matter where you're at, there's always somewhere to go - and we all face the same challenges, out there.

I met this woman a stretch back - we met when a friend of mine referred her to me. She's a photographer, does a lot of "active sport" shooting for men...and then liscenses the shots to retail outlets, magazines, calendars, etc. I've seen the work, it's legit. The men who shoot get a relatively small fee up front and then are tied to the liscensing of said photo - so you get paid by the usage of an image. I think this is fairly rare in the modeling arenas - most deal in buy-outs...probably why she grabs amateurs. Anyway, it means if you're pretty enough when you're 27, you could still get a check for the image when you're 37 -- could be large, could be small. Either way, my problem is this...a professional photog comes up to me, tells me I'm pretty enough, says she's heard I have a pretty enough body and that she can make us both some money, obviously I'm going to say yes. Because I'm vain and self absorbed and all that shit...

Today, I took a drive to her office...in an nice office building in Pasadena (believe me, in sleazebag LA, these assets are like a warm blanket) to talk things through since we're shooting on Saturday. And I saw all of her work. Like I said, some of it has been used in high end retail and some of it in teen and office calendars. All totally tasteful...all of it a legit operation. And she went to Duke...so I started to feel pretty decent about the situation. She showed me this series called crafted by light or something like it - these beautiful and artsy black and whites with shadows and ridges resembling what to me, seemed ancient and Greek and Olympian and potentially dazzling, and I started thinking of myself when I'm 50, thinking part of me would like to have my 27 year old self frozen into something like that...

So I'm down to my Hugo's, and she's taking measurements and we get through it all and she tells me -- alright, you liked the crafted by light...if you do, and you want to do it, you gotta drop 'em. I gotta see you head to toe, sides, back...I gotta read you.

Stay with me while I make this clear...in the series, everything is concealed from the sides, everything. But...to do it right, clothing ain't optional. This isn't Playgirl...it just is what it is. So I'm standing there, naked in this office in Pasadena, a little uncomfortable as she circles and then I circle...more worried for her than for myself...

And In my mind, for the sake of art, all I could think as I was on the street, heading back to my car...I sure didn't wake up today thinking I'd be thinking wow, a casual stranger saw my penis this afternoon.