It’s been raining all day in Los Angeles. How fitting. If there’s a city that could afford to be washed clean, it’s this one. Nothing supports a New Years Day comaover like a never-ending rainstorm. New Years Day. Three little words that when strung together…hold such gravitas.
Let me tell you a bit about myself.
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I believe in love at first sight. That we are well on our way to the end of the world. Psychiatry will take us there.
I believe that people give up too easy. That picking a fight is the greatest form of bonding. Atheists lack vision.
I believe the age of 12 is 94% responsible for how we turn out. That smoke always leads to a fire. Heavy hearts are murdering smiles.
I believe that when a kiss rivals sex…and it can, you’ve found the one. That tragedy creates an artist. There is no affirmation greater than a powerful storm.
I believe that hearts are meant to be broken. That NASCAR deserves be the national pastime of Guatemala. Paul Thomas Anderson is beyond brilliant.
I believe that I am going to live longer than anyone in human history. That there is nothing more admirable than determination. Only fools think hope is fading.
I believe that 100 years from now, your great grandchildren will be reading my words. That arrogance is healthy. Nothing soothes greater than marble painting.
I believe there are lessons to be learned from swallowing sand. That conquering fear leads to exponential growth. The past has its place.
I believe foolish instincts are our greatest life compass. That only fools ignore them. Ronald McDonald was originally designed to haunt children.
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I also believe…and this is important…that New Years resolutions are the single most sinister thing one can engage in.
When people tell me about their resolutions, I make mental notes. Hint: avoid my mental notes like “Life Goes On” Corky avoids wild card entry into the 2006 Shanghai Underground Deathfight.
In this particular instance, my mental note would go a little something like…passionate about making generous and likely multi-annual contributions to the failure at life fund.
So let me get this straight…you want to change your life???
But…you have to wait until the first of the year to do it? I fail to understand. Apologies. I claim to be a lot of things, but never intelligent. Maybe that’s my boggle.
There is one thing, however…that I do know. Me and excuses, well…let’s just say that if excuses were little children, I’d hammer their fragile spines with a hockey stick. Don’t test me.
In truth, it’s not aggression that overcomes. I worry about the state of things.
How dare we let slip from our conscience what happens when the yellow brick road ceases to lead…
We die.
