Kinda feels like...
But not because I'm getting older. In my desired profession, I've found at this point that my age has only hindered me. Every year, every day, my pen grows mightier. Barring a breakdown, which is quite reasonable, in my golden years, I'll be so good, no one will even be able to understand a word I'm saying. I can't decide yet if that's what I want.
But birthdays are strange. I feel like every year, I get duped into getting people together, which actually makes me wildly uncomfortable. I don't like the idea of assembly anywhere even in the proximity of the realm of my behalf. I like to hide in corners, listen, maneuver, plot. I need to always have an out - find comfort in such things. Tonight, I'll find no such comfort. There will be no escape. The thought of it right now unsteadies me.
I feel like all day, my phone has been ringing, vibrating so often it almost got me off. And out of the woodwork - all these well wishes and rsvp's and I wonder what the hell I'm getting myself into every time this happens. And seeing the names pop up one after the other, and the cards and the blessings and these people I haven't seen in so long -- I'm such a cock but I'm not I just...tuck away. I don't keep up and I stopped apologizing for it. It's not that I don't care it's just that I...don't care.
So tonight. Good times, of course...always - because it's in my blood, above all else, and to them I'll always revert...
So it begins with the second drop in "Juno." Fuck me. Fuck you. Tokyo Police Club, who woulda thought...
